Unrelenting Desire

So, basically, the first time I met my partner, I went pretty much insane.

I remember seeing him and thinking to myself, “God, I hope he likes me. He looks like such a nice guy and he’s really cute and I just hope he doesn’t hate me.” My mind was going a mile a minute the whole time I was with him. I wanted to be his best friend and his girlfriend and his whole world like, right then and there.

I made the decision right after that that he was going to be my boyfriend. That was it. That was endgame. There was no stopping me. I stopped flirting with other people that afternoon. I made an executive decision to tell the other chick that I was interested in that I just wasn’t available. I mean, I wasn’t in a relationship yet, but I was considering it an inevitability. I wanted him so bad that day.

And every day after that.

And it’s funny that I still feel that way about him. Almost five years later. I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else since I met him. And I know that sounds kind of insane because people can’t control crushes and stuff like that. I know that sometimes you’ll have a “What If?” moment with someone and rethink your whole life and it’s whacked out and crazy for a minute.

I’ll admit, I’ve had crushes in the time I’ve been with my partner. But I’ve never wanted to be with any of those people. I’ve thought they were cute as hell and had a personality like nobody’s business. But not once have I ever had that “I have to make him/her mine” thought. Not since him. Not since that day that I met him.

I have an unrelenting desire for my partner. It’s a crazy feeling and it always surprises me that I wake up every day still feeling this way. But, I’ve never had a day in the past 4+ years where I haven’t wanted to be with him. Even when we fought. Hell, even when we broke up. I regretted leaving his side immediately. Because I knew deep in my core that leaving him was doing the exact opposite of what made me happy. God, he makes me happy.

What I’m getting at here is that love is stupid crazy. And it’s not the same for everybody. But my personality is one that wants things. And I think that, for the rest of my life, I’ll be wanting to be with him.

I love you, James. If you’re reading this, get over here and give me a kiss.


2 Comments to “Unrelenting Desire”

  1. Wow. That sounds amazing. Its great that it worked out. Its cool that you were able to tell that it was a good match so early on. Do you think that it was luck? Or did you have a really good sense of who he was? If the latter, maybe another time you could talk about what those early signs were. just a thought. Thanks…

    • I think it was a combination of both. The fact that he just happened to be around when I was looking is an occurrence that I can only describe as dumb luck. But I could tell within the first couple of sentences of conversation that we were going to get along really well. It’s hard to describe why I was so confident in us from the get-go, but I’ll try to expand on it one of these days.
      Thanks for the comment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: