“You just can’t beat the person who never gives up.”

Babe Ruth said that. I’m not a huge fan of Babe, but he makes a fair point.

Garrett Chandler was the best friend I could ever ask for. He was always there for me and he never gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself. He pushed me to do better, to be better. He wanted to see me succeed. And that’s exactly what I wanted for him. He was like a little brother to me.

And then, kind of out of the blue, he just stopped talking to me. I can make a few guesses as to why.

I don’t think I was very supportive of some of his choices. And I was probably a little too critical of them as well. I always forget that sometimes, when people ask for my opinion, they don’t actually want it. They already know what they want to hear and they just want to make sure that I’ll say it when prompted. A lot of our friendship was based on our ability give each other unabashed criticism. It helped the both of us grow and excel. But, looking back on it all now, I think maybe I took it too far. I regret that.

I also wasn’t the most positive person around him. When we were friends, I was struggling with rampant mood swings and most of the time, I was really depressed. But, Garrett was always there to bring me down and help me understand what I was feeling so that I could overcome it. When I went off to college, I had trouble adjusting to a life without my best friend there. I think I tried to compensate by being really overbearing in our friendship. We fought a lot and there would times when we wouldn’t speak to each other for weeks. But he always gave me a second chance to work my shit out and be the normal friend that he needed.

I think my constant negativity was really discouraging to him. He was having problems too, but I was too self-absorbed to notice. My constant complaining really pushed him away. He didn’t need any more crap to deal with, but I just kept piling it on. One day, one of his friends pulled me aside and told me that I wasn’t doing him any good by being his friend. At least, not in the state I was in. Hearing that from someone else really hit me hard. And I was determined to fix it. I couldn’t let our friendship end like that.

But, by the time I had figured it all out, he was long gone.

At first, I was angry at him. I couldn’t believe that he would abandon me. I felt betrayed. But after about two months of being angry, I started realizing that I didn’t have any right to be. He was doing what any normal person would do. He was cutting his losses. And I can’t really say I blame him. The girl he was friends with was a mess. And it must have been nearly impossible to be friends with her.

But I think I’m different now. I’m looking at things differently. I don’t let my emotions get the best of me nearly as much I used to. Now, I can recognize when I’m about to take a wrong turn and I can readjust my sails. And I really want the chance to prove it to him.

So, Garrett, if you ever read this, I want you to know that friends like you don’t come around that often. And I’ve tried replacing you, but you can’t truly replace something that’s unique; it never really fits the mold just right. It would’ve been a lot smarter just to keep you around in the first place.

But if I have to work for your friendship, I’ll do that.  A lot of people don’t think it’s worth the effort, but I know that it’s a friendship worth fighting for. It’s not every day that you meet your best friend. And, if you truly never want to speak to me again, I understand. But if you have any hope for me at all, please, let me know. I can’t give up on something that I know is great.

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